


The Man in the Mirror

by debwalsh



Series: Bingo-Bingo [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Fixing each other’s hair, Fluff Bingo, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 10:29:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16638224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/debwalsh/pseuds/debwalsh
Summary: Bucky is recovering but he’s convinced Steve only wants him if he can be Steve’s old Bucky.   Bucky’s trying, he really is.It’s up to Steve to make him understand he doesn’t have to be anyone but himself.For the “fixing each other’s hair” square of my Fluff Bingo card.





	The Man in the Mirror

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BethofAus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BethofAus/gifts).



> I enjoyed Fictober so much, i found another writing prompt series to play with! My Patreon patrons will choose the prompts I write, and then I’ll share them on AO3.
> 
> Beth chose fixing each other’s hair, and here it is.

Steve was in his bathroom brushing his hair back when he heard the sound of an impact from Bucky’s bathroom. He guessed it Bucky’s brush making contact with the mirror. It happened sometimes.

Steve paused, hand holding the brush poised in the air as he cocked his head to listen. He didn’t like to interfere when Bucky was trying to figure stuff out, allowing his old friend to work through things at his own pace, without judgment or well-meaning “help,” and having their apartment set up with two bedrooms and two bathrooms made it easier for Steve to maintain his “hand’s off” policy.

Of course, living in Stark Tower, they could have had 13 bedrooms and 20 bathrooms if they’d asked for them, but having two of each was enough of a luxury, neither of them was complaining. No one needed to know how much Steve cheered inwardly on the nights when Bucky crawled into bed with him, for warmth, for comfort, because of bad dreams, or even because of loneliness. Whatever the reason, Steve was happy to have him near.

Steve was just happy to have Bucky back in his life in any capacity, although he did wish things were easier for Buck. He was trying, and he seemed to be getting a little better every day, but when Steve heard the sound of more impacts and glass breaking, he knew this was not one of Bucky’s better days. 

He set his brush down, dusted off his shoulders, and calmly walked down the hall. He’d learned to never alarm Bucky, or make it seem like he was in any way in trouble. That meant a measured tone, no abrupt moves, and above all else, kindness.

He got to Bucky’s bathroom and found the door open, Bucky standing in front of the mirror with his hands in his hair, pulling angrily at the long strands. Hair brushes, combs, and a couple of containers of different hair products littered the floor and piled up in the sink. The glass had been Buck’s toothbrush holder, and Steve was relieved to see the shards had fallen in the sink, not on the floor where Bucky could get hurt inadvertently. Buck himself look about ready to cry, and once again, Steve felt a little bit more of his heart break at the frustrations and challenges his old friend had to face. Things people coped with every day without thinking became triggers for bouts of self-loathing with the potential for self-harm for the Bucky Barnes of today.

Steve knocked gently on the door and stepped into the space. “Hey, Buck,” he greeted warmly. “Need a hand? All these hair products - too much stuff, too many decisions. I don’t know why Nat gave you so much -“

“I can’t!” Bucky cried out, turning toward Steve as he flung himself backward against the bathroom wall. Stuff inside the medicine cabinet rattled and clinked, but it didn’t sound like there were any casualties this time. “I cant do it!”

“Can’t do what? Hey, just talk to me Buck. I’ll help you anyway I can. You know I will.”

“I can’t make my hair go like he wore it. I just ... there’s too much, and it just doesn’t work and -“

“Like who wore it, Buck?  Someone caught your eye? I -“

“Him. Your Bucky. I wanted to dress up like him, do my hair like him, I thought it’d make you happy to pretend you had him back -“

Steve crossed the space quickly to comfort Bucky without thinking, stopping as soon as he saw Bucky’s eyes widen in fear. Steve stopped, still a respectful distance away from his trembling friend, held up his hands in front of him, and smiled gently. “Buck, you are my Bucky. You’re my Bucky of today. I don’t need you to be anyone else.” He moved calmly then, reaching his hand out to tuck an errant strand of hair behind Bucky’s ear, and let his hand drift down to squeeze Bucky’s shoulder, just enough to let him know he was there and he wasn’t angry.

Bucky still struggled every day with the minutiae of being a person. He still feared punishment, and worse, he feared that one day Steve would tire or him, or be fed up with him, or in some way give up on him, and turn him back to Hydra. So far, nothing Steve had done had dissuaded Bucky from these horrific thoughts, so Steve just kept trying.

There wasn’t a world in which Steve Rogers would give up on Bucky Barnes, let alone turn him over to Hydra. He just had to convince Bucky Barnes of that immutable fact.

“It’s nice that you wanted to try something new, Buck. But you don’t have to. I like your hair like this. You’d never get it to look like it was from the ‘40s unless you cut it -“ Steve felt Bucky stiffen and gasp at the mention of getting his hair cut, so he squeezed a little tighter and smiled and little broader. “But that’s not something you have to do to look handsome, Buck.” Bucky ducked his head shyly, like he couldn’t believe anyone could think he was handsome. That made something clench in Steve’s chest. Once, a lifetime or three ago, Bucky Barnes had been vain and cocksure, but Hydra had beaten the confidence out of him, scraped out the peacock and left him convinced he was worthless and unlovable.  

“How about we find another way to fix your hair, huh? Something that’s yours for today, not something from the past? Something we can do together.”

“No cutting?” Bucky asked quietly, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot.

“No cutting,” Steve agreed with a beaming smile. Bucky nodded and gave Steve one of his rare incandescent smiles, and Steve felt like he’d just sprouted wings.

He was relieved to dodge that existential bullet. Cutting implements near his head, the shape of the barber chair, and an unfamiliar person touching him terrified Bucky. Steve thought that maybe he could offer to cut Bucky’s hair when he was ready to have it shortened or even just shaped, but he knew that Bucky wasn’t anywhere near that point yet.

But if Bucky wanted to change his look, for whatever reason, maybe that was something that Steve could help with.

Steve took another step closer, and lifted his hand to stroke through the hair that hung down the side of Bucky’s face. Bucky’s eyes fluttered shut as he leaned into Steve’s hand, his lips parting slightly as he lost himself in the sensation of gentle touch. Steve let his hand gently run down the side of Bucky’s face, and he had to smile at the way pink spread across Bucky’s cheeks. “You’re so beautiful,” Steve murmured. “You shouldn’t hide your face behind your hair.”

“It’s camouflage,” Bucky replied quietly.

“Do you need camouflage when you’re with me?”

“I thought we were getting ready to go to Stark’s party,” Bucky answered, a tremor of nervousness reentering his voice.

“I think maybe Tony can have his party without us tonight, don’t you think? I think it’s more important that we figure out your hair, hmmm?”

“Yours, too,” Bucky said, lifting his face and jutting his chin out like he expected an argument.

“Okay. I’ll do yours, then you can do mine. What have you got in mind?”

Bucky grinned evilly, and for a moment, Steve was five foot nothing, back in a cold water walk up in Red Hook, and he’d just been hoodwinked by his charming, tall, and completely lacking in regret best friend.

Oh. It was on.

&&&

Nat had texted demanding to know where Steve and Bucky were, claiming she was bored and Steve couldn’t possibly have an excuse worthy of the 21st century for not being there.

“Doing Bucky’s hair,” Steve had texted back while Bucky was in the kitchen putting together a tray of cookies and milk. Steve could have volunteered to do it for him, but he’d learned very quickly that Bucky thrived when he could complete simple tasks, especially when they were fun and shared with Steve. So Steve had a moment to respond to Nat’s text before she went on the hunt for them.

He had to grin at the reply that came after a few moments of little dots floating on his screen.

“Gud 4 him pix or dint happen.”

Well, that might be a challenge, but if Steve could turn it into something fun for Bucky, he was sure he could snag a photo or two.

“What’re you grinning about?” Bucky asked as he came back into the bedroom carrying a tray heaped with cookies, flanked by two tall glasses of milk. He put the tray down on the round table that sat between the chairs over in the “conversation area” of Steve’s bedroom, and dropped into the empty chair like the trip had exhausted him.

It probably had, but that didn’t stop him from grabbing a cookie and shoving it into his mouth while he grinned at Steve.

“Nat. Wants pictures of your new do.”

Bucky frowned self-consciously, his right hand automatically went to his hair to pull it out of the bun that Steve had made, tugging the hair so it hid his face. “No she doesn’t. No one wants any pictures of me.”

“Buck, of course she does. You’re beautiful.”

Bucky lifted his eyes then and looked at Steve like he was crazy. He forgave the snort of derision that followed, because he knew it wasn’t directed at him so much as it was judgment on the idea that Bucky could be beautiful.

“I know you don’t see what I see when I look at you. But, Buck - you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen,” Steve told him earnestly, as he leaned forward in his seat trying to convey the truth of what he said.

Again, Bucky snorted, this time in disbelief. “He was beautiful.”

“I know you think of yourself back then as someone else, and maybe you were. I was someone else, too. We’ve both changed so much. Maybe it’s time for both of us to let go of the before, and just focus on the now, huh? ‘Cos I can tell you, my pal Bucky Barnes? He was smooth. He was handsome. He had a killer smile, and he would have the ladies eating out of his hand. He could get ‘em to do pretty much anything he wanted. He was cocky. He was young, naive. We both were. We didn’t have a clue what the world had in store for us.  

“But here we are. And Buck? I loved you like you were my brother when we were young. You were there for me when no one else thought I was worth the time. You sat by my bed and read me comics when I was so sick, Ma’d have the priest in. You never gave up on me. And the person you are today? I’ve never met anyone so brave, so kind, so strong. What you’ve survived, what you’ve overcome? Who you’ve become? Bucky, I am in awe of you every day. I am so proud to be your friend. And I cannot imagine anyone more beautiful than you are today, now.”

As Steve had spoken, somehow he and Bucky had drifted closer to each other, and now they were mere inches apart. Bucky stared at Steve then, wide-eyed, lips parted, a crinkle between his eyebrows as he seemed to struggle with what Steve had said. Steve had a moment of panic that he’d revealed too much, and then suddenly Bucky’s hands held his cheeks, and Bucky surged forward to press his lips against Steve’s.

Steve was so surprised that even though his heart was singing, his body didn’t know how to react. Bucky interpreted his lack of response as disinterest, and he lurched back, his eyes now wide with terror. “I”m sorry, I didn’t mean, don’t hate me -“

“Buck, I could never hate you. I Iove you. I never thought ... I love you, Bucky Barnes,” he stated empathically, then he closed the gap between them, returning Bucky’s kiss with interest.

&&&

Several kisses and declarations of love later, Steve concluded the bun was cute, but it wasn’t practical. Not if Steve was going to run his fingers through Bucky’s hair. And Bucky liked it when Steve did that. Steve liked it when he did that. So instead, Steve pulled a bit back on each side, and tied it loosely at the back of Bucky’s head, just enough so he could see Bucky’s beautiful face, but still be able to enjoy the feel of his hair between his fingers. Bucky approved the change. 

As for Bucky, he decided he liked to run his fingers through Steve’s hair, too. Steve couldn’t argue that, although he wasn’t sure how the world would take to Bucky’s chosen hairstyle for him. Then again, Steve could definitely rock the fauxhawk,especially when it was styled by Barnes.

END

**Author's Note:**

> Subscribe to me and/or the series to be notified of new prompt posts! I’m excited for where this challenge will take me.
> 
> Thank you for your kudos, your comments, and your bookmarks!


End file.
